Family Stress

Tina M. Denny

American College of Education

Introduction:

We must remember that stress can be both positive and negative.  I interviewed a close friend who fosters in the same agencies as our family.  We became a support system for each other when we shared a sibling group.  I interviewed her for this assignment and we talk every week and she is undergoing a great deal of family stress. The stress is coming in many forms currently.  Some stress from consistently changing foster placements, successfully dieting, selling their home, remodeling, and moving into a new house, all of the children have special needs, because of the trauma they experienced prior to foster care.  “Children model their parents’ behaviors, including those related to managing stress. Parents who deal with stress in unhealthy ways risk passing those behaviors on to their children. Alternatively, parents who cope with stress in healthy ways can not only promote better adjustment and happiness for themselves, but also promote the formation of critically important habits and skills in children.”  (Managing stress for a healthy family, 2001) 

Interview Summary:

I texted her, which is one of our common forms of support for each other and explained the assignment to her and obtained written consent for her participation.   I also informed her that this would be confidential and only be used for classroom purposes, and that she may be uplifted by my thoughts of what a great job she is doing.  It is always productive when we talk about our challenges and successes.  “Remember foster parents:  Think with your head, act on your heart, and keep focused on the “big picture.”  (Palladino, 2004)

Their current family structure consists of a traditional nuclear family when they have no foster children.  However they usually have all of the extra beds full of foster children, which are consistently changing with Children’s Services determining the need of the children.  Their biological children are twenty years old and eight years old.  They typically take foster children with ages ranging from birth to eight years old.  It has been recommended that foster families not take children older than their biological children.  The stress started with her children getting older and having different foster placements changing within their family structure.  She and all other family members have to decide how to respond to these events to avoid reacting poorly.

The school adds to this stress by taking up extra time and requiring feedback.  Many of the children are on Individual Education Programs (IEP), which are helpful, but require thought to advocate for them, addition time for meetings, and thought to prepare on-going.   All transitions with visits and counseling make stress rise and fall.  She finds strength when they can have an uninterrupted period of time to regroup and breath.  When the children are doing well they enjoy going out to eat on a Friday night for family fun.  We depend on religion; however this is not a focus point for the family I interviewed.  They do find support in their community and other foster families help her cope with whatever life throws her way.    We continue to respect our differences.  She has many goals for her family, but she mainly said that working to keep everyone safe, on time to events, scheduled, and happy is her daily objective.  She does have a good sense of humor, which is what gets her to the next day when life gets crazy.  Her parenting style is very structured, which we have in common.  She performs multiple roles of parenting to include care for her older biological children and her younger foster placements.  As I mentioned prior it is common to welcome foster children younger than your oldest biological child.  This is a practice that has been proven effective.  When you take a child into your home that is older it has been proven disastrous.

We differ in our parenting beliefs in discipline.  I try to not punish myself in the process and not have a punishment that outweighs the crime.  She has been known to cancel a child’s birthday party before, because the child was warned and pushed the limit.  Also, our foster son’s same sibling didn’t come to his birthday, because his sister was in her care and didn’t follow the rules, so this was her punishment.  I am not criticizing her, but I do not use these extremes in my parenting.  It is crucial that parents have child development in mind.  They must work on setting limits and being predictable to show they care about the child.   The effects of various unpredictable stressors in the lives of families with young children like biological visits make the road rough.  The children don’t understand that the foster family is not in agreement with what they are being taught in that time frame, but it is a legal responsibility to take them to the visits and pick them up.   However we agreed that it looks like we want them to go and re-experience the trauma.  The behaviors that happen after visits can last for days or weeks, which sometimes bring foster parents to tears and break downs that require the child/children to be removed from the foster home.  This cases more stress on everyone involved.  It is important that early childhood educators establish trust with all families, but this is often difficult with all the moves in placement. 

Conclusion:

 I recommended she fine tune her skills with the required training hours with Children’s Services.  Another way to meet their family’s personal needs is by doing some non-traditional training hours.  An interesting article I was reading stated there are three main steps that foster parents should be taking to be effective.  “The reality is not a surprise given the literature reports at least 50% percent of youth in foster care require intense academic and behavioral interventions at school.”  (Palladino, 2004, pp. 1-2)

The information I found that shows research and theory on handling family stress is as follows.  “Parents know that changing a child’s behavior, let alone their own, can be challenging. By taking small, manageable steps to a healthier lifestyle, families can work toward meeting their goals to be psychologically and physically fit.”  (Managing stress for a healthy family, 2001)  She is doing many tasks well that promote healthy child development as it is good for the whole family group and also each individual.  Personally I believe fostering is an experience that works best with great communication and the ability to resolve conflicts.  The biological family typically feels under attack and the foster family becomes their target.  Interviewing someone that I can relate to was a rewarding experience. 

References:

Managing stress for a healthy family. (2001). Retrieved from American Psychological Assiciation: http://www.apa.org/helpcenter/managing-stress.aspx

Palladino, J. M. (2004). Attentiion Foster Parents: Let's Work Together! 1-2.